today my gf said “when donkey asks shrek what his name is, shrek pauses before he says shrek, and i’m convinced he came up with it on the spot.” we weren’t even talking about shrek. i can’t stop thinking about it or about how lucky i am to be with her
i dye my hair purple and i put a needle through my nose. i fix the computer that has sat broken for a week and i make everyone pancakes and coffee. i, of course, don’t have any. there’s way too much to be done. it’s 10 in the morning and i haven’t been to sleep yet but i decide to go running. now, i have never been a runner but i decide to start today because i finally have the energy. also, everyone has been telling me that exercise will make me feel better. i come home and i put blue lipstick on my lips. it makes me feel like the universe. so, i decide to get a tattoo instead of buying groceries. i deep clean my house though and you wouldn’t believe just how filthy it is behind the stove. i call everyone in my family - just to chat. i’ve been ignoring their calls for weeks now but today i feel like talking. i ramble so fast and i have such an excitement in my voice that certain words are spoken while i’m breathing in deep to catch my breath - it’s a lot like this sentence. i pick up smoking again. it’s better than an ativan habit, i rationalize to those that scold me when they see that orange glow at the end of my lips. i wish it were ativan. i want to shave my head. i hold the clippers in my hand but decide to write instead. i reward myself with a bottle of wine. it doesn’t mix well with my medication but i don’t care. now, i’m crying. i’m lonely. i have no one. i decide to go out with a friend. 30 minutes in, i want to go home. why did i do this? take me home. i don’t want to be here. i don’t say this, of course. i fall silent. they ask me if i’m okay and i yell. i come home and i don’t try to kill myself. but, i do pray and wish to whatever and whoever is listening that they take me in my sleep. but, no one thinks that i need help. they applaud me for finally being productive and living life to the fullest instead.
moving away from the ‘success is the best revenge’ ideology as I am realizing that loving myself through my failures is the true way to prove everyone wrong
Fun Vampire Fact; the reason that Vampires traditionally cannot see their reflections in a mirror is because mirrors used to be backed with a reflective layer of silver — which, as the metal of purity, would not ‘interact’ with Vampires, who are the Devil’s work.
However, modern mirrors have used aluminum as their reflective backing for many years now — and aluminum is not a ‘picky’ metal at all. So Vampires are able to see their reflections in modern mirrors.
All I can think about is a vampire used to not seeing their reflection in mirrors for centuries, and one day they are just walking along and unknowingly pass a mirror backed with aluminum and THEY NEARLY SHIT THEMSELVES.
